The usual disclaimers apply. I still smell like an ignorant bitch, because I am an ignorant bitch (and it’s not time for the monthly bath yet).
It seems that few in my loyal readership appreciate the dating apps either. What can we do? Here is a foolproof way to find a boyfriend. I have never known it to fail. I have never known it to succeed, either, but let’s not focus on that part.
- Make a list of all your straight women friends.
- Tell each and every one of them that you are single and in the market for a boyfriend.
- Ask them to get you in touch with any eligible bachelors in their social circles who are nice and might be compatible.
- Meet the people they suggest and see whether you click.
Why should we expect that this would work any better than the Internet sites and dating apps?
- Any results you get will be pre-screened. You may still need to kiss some frogs (what your straight women friends think make good matches might differ from what you think, and also some people who seem like good guys are actually jerks) but presumably your straight women friends will not actively recommend bad candidates.
- This is a stereotype, but many women think it is romantic to play matchmaker, and often think gay couples are “cute”.
- The candidates that you get are more likely to share your values and cultural values, because you and they are in adjacent social circles.
- Your women friends know something about you and your personality, and will likely take that into consideration when suggesting matches.
- Your women friends will not be focused on looks as the sole determining factor when finding a candidate. That makes it pretty different from photo-centric Internet dating.
- The candidates you get are more likely to be close to you geographically.
- You are unlikely to be overwhelmed with hundreds of candidates. That makes each match you are recommended a little more precious, because your women friends do not have dozens of more candidates lined up for you to meet.
- Word will get out that you are looking for a boyfriend, and that word might reach your potential partner. For that matter, word might reach that guy who has had a crush on you for a long time but has been too shy to say anything.
- There will be fewer dick pics.
- This breaks the idea that the burden of finding a boyfriend rests solely on your shoulders. It seems to me that matchmaking used to be more of a community affair, and it seems to me that our modern individualized world misses some of that.
- Just like you, some of your connections might be wary of internet dating, and they might not be on the dating apps at all. This can expand your pool of candidates even if you use this as a complement to finding troo wuv on Grindr.
- This is the same strategy of “networking” that every job counsellor in the world recommends in order to find a job. Furthermore, in the world of job searching this strategy works much better than answering job ads.
- By letting all your straight women friends know, you are engaging in a parallel search, as opposed to a linear one.
- The candidates your friends match you with will feel some pressure to get to know you, as opposed to meeting just for sex.
Is it important to tell all your straight female friends? I think so. You don’t know which of them enjoy playing matchmaker and which ones don’t. I also feel it is important to open and upfront about what you want. Not to get too woo on you, but you are telling the universe that you are ready for a boyfriend. That sets something important in your psychology and it lets your community know that you are not cowering in a closet.
Why limit your matchmakers to only straight women friends? This is a tough one. Your lesbian friends might have better connections in the LGBTQ+ community, but they might also resent the idea of playing matchmaker. I would play this by ear.
I would avoid turning to either straight or gay male friends to find you a boyfriend. Both straight and gay men have big egos. The straight men might be grossed out by gay sex, and also they will presume that you are making passes at them. The gay men will be offended that you are passing them over, regardless of their own relationship status. Again, this is a matter of judgement, but I would be wary.
Should you sketch out the requirements you have for your next boyfriend? I don’t think so. If there are real dealbreakers maybe you mention them, but once you start getting picky with your requirements (no peeing on the floor, not a serial killer, etc) then matchmaking seems like more like a job than something fun. It is probably better to filter the candidates yourself when you get connected with them.
Is it important to give every candidate they suggest a chance? I think your bias should be towards meeting everybody, unless it is absolutely obvious this is a terrible match. Don’t be too picky. Nothing says your first meeting needs to be a formal date. Even if you are not particularly attracted to the candidate, you might meet somebody you can be friends with, and you can recommend potential boyfriends to each other.
Could this blow up and be a disaster? Boy howdy yes. But it seems to me to be a sounder approach than internet dating. How is internet dating working out for you?