Recently I had a decision to make. I am a member of an organization that is mostly composed of straight people. They recently decided to “celebrate” Pride month with an ostentatious Queer + Drag Queen Trivia event, and I had to decide whether to participate. I felt the entire thing was rawther performative, but decided to take part. I read your blogs, right? Surely I know lots about gay culture? Plus the people hosting the trivia night (a drag queen and an extraverted homo) were getting paid for this piece of entertainment.
As if. I was humiliated. Our team finished second, which doesn’t sound so bad until you understand there were only three teams. The winning team might well have had a few ringers who knew all the answers, but that doesn’t excuse my ignorance. I read Maddie’s blog. I peruse Debra’s transgaybipalooza posts. Of course I should know the current TV show that has the highest trans representation in the cast of all time. Of course I should recognise the drag queen/social media star who goes hiking and embraces environmentalism (especially as it was a multiple choice question!) Of course I should know the city that hosted the largest Pride parade in history, or the city that holds a floating Pride on a river. But no. I was stumped. I even missed many of the basics. Did I know on which street in New York the Stonewall Inn is located? Did I know the groundbreaking TV show in which Rickie Vasquez portrayed an openly gay character? No. No I did not.
What hubris was it to think that my straight teammates needed my help. A few of them were big Drag Race fans, which makes them better gays than me even though they were straight.
Between this humilation and me fighting with you all month over the meaning of Pride, I think it is pretty clear that I don’t belong in this club. It is time to hand back the membership card and burn all my rainbow paraphernalia. I never qualified for the toaster oven so at least I don’t have to pay the shipping for that. Living as a straight person sounds pretty awful, to be honest, but Sixpence is right: if I wanted to belong I needed to put in the work.
Old Lurker 
*pants*
Oh thank goodness I have alerts for your blog. I just ran all the way here.
First, I have no idea who that hiker is, was it San Fran the city with the largest Pride parade? And is there a city with a Pride floating in the river?
I have no idea of many of those answers and I’m as gay as they come. Just between us (and the internet), being gay is not a Trivial Pursuit endeavor. There are many kinds of gays. And even though you DO need some work, I think you could qualify as Queer. No need to return that toaster…
XOXO
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I’m not sure about the pride with the city floating in the water is in the US. Could that pride festival be in Amsterdam on the canals?
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Yes, Maddie is correct. (See? Maddie is a real gay.)
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Maddie also travels the world.
So I’m not a real gay (TM) because I don’t go to Europe regularly?
I thought it was my penchant for big dudes with nice dicks what made me gay. And now you tell me I was not a real gay (TM) this whole time?
*despairs*
XOXO
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How do you think I feel?
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Why, do you also like big dudes with nice dicks? Trust me, Lurkie: THAT would make you very, very gay.
XOXO
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Yes, I think not travelling to Europe on the regular lowers your status as a Real Gay(TM), or at least an A-list gay. The reason gays are worthy of support is because they have lots of disposable income, not because they have any inherent human rights to live free of persecution. So having the money to travel to Europe means you are a better gay than if you have to pinch your pennies.
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Damn.
Oh, well. I think I’m gonna have to start thinking about an Only Fans so I can get the extra dough to travel to Europe regularly, as a Real Gay (TM) would do. Bu would that mean I have to return my Socialist (TM) card? I thought being a Better Gay (TM) just meant enjoying being pressed every day like the news!!
TMYK…
XOXO
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Please let me know when your Only Fans goes live. That is one I would subscribe to in a hot second. I had plans to travel once but as things turned out my travels are in my mind these days or online travel videos. Just as much fun but they are free and I don’t have to shop for a new wardrobe.
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Hahahah
Oh, I’d totally publicize that. And the traveling I do is mostly over long weekends because my schedule is crazy. Also, I would never buy a new wardrobe for a trip. Unless they had a swimming trunks sale at H&M and I was going to the beach!
XOXO
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Amsterdam sounds plausible.
And who were the people who came up with these questions? Don’t they have more pressing matters to attend??
XOXO
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The people who came up with these questions were making their livings lip synching to Cindi Lauper and holding gay cultural activities for (mostly) straight people.
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Lip synching to Cindi? Straight outreach?
Did they serve of consultants for the movie Bros? But hey, if they paid ME, I’d make sure to know all there is to know about faggotry, too!
XOXO
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No, it’s not San Fran. My guess was also US-centric, and it was wrong.
There may be many types of gays, but apparently I am an ignorant one. Or maybe now I am an ex one.
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So this is a world-wide kind of contest? Do I need a Gay Encyclopedia Britannica? So I’m an ex-gay now too?
XOXO
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Looks like you better work. Unless you are secretly hoping to be condemned to straightdom too?
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Oh, straight sex bores me. I’d rather sashay away from that.
Maybe I should try Just For Fans trivia night?
XOXO
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The above dialogue proves that I have never ever ever been Gay. Now I am at ends trying to decide what it is that I am. Am I just some old poor man trying to find those like him to bond with? Am I just the decendent of a long line of poor white trash in the south. Have I just been pretending all this time? I thought I had a pretty good Gay thing going but it would seem not.
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Jonn, babes. This is Lurkie we’re talking about. Heaven helps us if we let him decide anything related to Queerness.
And I’m pretty sure you found out you were gay awhile ago. If you haven’t go kiss a dude. If your blood runs faster, you’re gay.
XOXO
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I think you may be right. I was, afterall born Gay so I suppose that makes me an elder Gay statesman and I have the right to wave the rainbow colored magic wand over Lurkie and turn him as Gas as he has always been.
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Elder Gay Statesmen CAN and should do that kind of magic.
I’m sure Lurkie is gonna be thankful. I’m under the impression he’s been doubting his Queerness lately…
XOXO
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More than doubting, actually.
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Bet that if you put Lurkie and me in a dark room where he could not see my old decrpit body I could bring his Queerness to the surface and leave him with a smile on his face and less doubt in his mind.
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Hahaha
Oh, I bet light in the room would have nothing to do with what goes down between the two of you. Lurkie is as Queer as they come, he’s just grumpy.
A smile on his face is what he needs.
XOXO
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Oh Lurkie. Let me hug you and kiss you and love on you until there is just a hint of a smile growing on those lips.
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I thought you retired from prostitution?
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You are a dear.
Even if you get the trivia answers wrong you don’t engage in Wrongthink, and also you have lived through a bunch of this history rather than reading about it in books and blogs.
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Yes I have and would do it over again if ever offered that opportunity. But one thing I do know without any doubt is the being a real Gay actually have very little to do with the fact that I find my own gender more desirable and want to “rub uglies” with them…that is just sex and actually a very small part of my being Queer. Maybe that is it. Yes I am Gay but more importantly I am Queer. Just tossing another hat in the ring.
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You should write about the distinction between the two.
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At the risk of being seen as the old fart that is way too opinionated for this world we live in today I think something along those lines may be my next blog post. Thanks for the inspiration.
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LOL.
But Jonn, babes. Kissing a dude is like a rapid response test: you get the basics and if you wanna explore it more, you go all in, so to speak. Being Queer is not just sex, of course. I have friends who are as Queer as they come and they are Asexual, or Demisexual or anything in between.
XOXOX
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I agree!!!! Big dudes with nice dicks does make one very gay, if not gayer!!! Especially if one is in heels.
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Hahahahaha
OMG yes.
XOXO
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Lurkie you put in the work in ways you may not be aware of. One that I am personally aware of is the gentle (and sometimes not so gentle) counsel you give me in the comments you post on my blog. Some of those thing that are in the back of my brain that are drawn to the fore by a comment you post have actually helped me a lot. So don’t burn you membership card just yet. Hang on to it and let yourself honestly evaluate the role that you play in our community. I think it is one of serious importance. Oh, and there are always the bike rides to Pride events that show you have at least a modicam intrest in belonging. Love you sir.
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Not so gentle counsel is right. Honeybun, you need to know that I ruin everything I touch.
The bike ride to St Lurkestine was more about the bike ride than the Pride event. This weekend I may ride my bike to pick berries, but that does not make me berrysexual.
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But you’re still very sexual.
Just saying…
XOXO
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All right so touch me and leave me a ruined man. I am looking forward to it.
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I think that’s pretty funny that a straight group had a Gay Pride Celebration! How funny is it that some straight people know the answers to mortgage trivia that even us gays. But Lurky…. second place is nothing to sneeze at.. hell in some bars, bar trivia night second place will get you drinks all night long. Not that I would know anything about that.
Happy Pride to you my friend.
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Straight people showing their “allyship” via trivia nights and other rainbow events is all the rage these days. Drag Race has really done a number on people, which makes me worried for when the fad dies out.
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I posted about allies, Lurkie.
And you did not comment. At all…
XOXO
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What? The Maren Morris thing? I did not watch the video (yet?). Hooray for her for using her platform. I will note that that allyship was again about drag.
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LOL
It’s allyship with the community. There were Lesbian, Gay and Transgender performers in that round table…
XOXO
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You wouldn’t know it from your blog post. The tags on that post were: allies, Drag, drag artists, Trans issues. The pictures you posted were of the straight ally and four drag queens.
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Well, that’s why you have to watch the video.
And Trans issues are LGBTQ+, Lurkie. But maybe that’s why you don’t comment when I post porn, because I usually tag it as ‘fun’.
XOXO
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Agreed that trans rights are LGBTQ+ rights, and that there is emphasis on trans issues as well as drag. I tend to think of the two as essentially related, although saying such out loud will get me crucified.
(Certainly my political enemies are targeting both because both are expressions of gender nonconformity.)
Disagree that I “have” to watch the video. This rubs me the wrong way because my spare time has diminished drastically, so my video watching time has evaporated. I am barely keeping up with blogs. Once in a while I will watch something you post but I am not capable of being a completionist anymore.
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No, you don’t have to be a completionist.
But dismissing a post because the tags ‘are not right’ kind of takes the fun out of blogging. Trans issues ARE LGBTQ+ issues indeed and the enemies of the community are targeting Trans people and Drag artists because they are visible right now and they go against what the heteronormative, cisgender, white, upper middle class, xtianist males think is ‘wrong’.
Maren being an ally of Drag performers that happen to be Trans and Lesbigay and bringing their problems to the forefront using her platform would indeed be what an ally is. Maybe I’m wrong… wouldn’t be the first time.
XOXO
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You have given me and inspired me for some thought and fodder for a future post.
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Ahhh allyship.
I may have one of those for you. Stay tuned. I know people who are more straight than an bachelorette party at the Olive Garden and they know more about Drag Race than I do. And that’s why the xtianists are all up in arms. When Ru Paul wins the straights they know dogma is in danger.
XOXO
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I think you are exactly right about that. This in fact is part of my critique with Pride.
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Ok, so what does Pride have to do with the straights liking Drag Race?
I’m curious about your theory about Drag bringing down gay rights…
XOXO
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No, I don’t think drag is bringing down gay rights, although it is presenting a fairly narrow view of gay culture.
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Lurkie, EVERYTHING presents a narrow view of ‘gay culture’. Nothing can be all gayncompasing. We are a very diverse community. Nobody/nothing can be THE spokesperson/ defining moment for the LGBTQ+ community.
XOXO
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But when the only facet people see is drag culture, then there may be a problem.
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People are going to see what they want to see. Drag Culture is only a tiny part of Queer culture. It’s so small that ten years ago nobody outside gay bars knew much about it. It was something that the Queers enjoyed on Wednesday nights.
It’s also artistry. It takes a lot of talent to be a Drag performer.
XOXO
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Years ago, in East Hollywood (yes there is still such a place) there was a bar that had “live sex acts on stage” performed by men with breast implants and who did the whole tuck thing with their penis’. The shows were amazing. Lots of glitter and sequins, striping and grinding to some really good music. I have often wondered what ever happened to those girls. Oh, and this was Queerness at it best.
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Trans girls have always been part of Drag.
Some of the most talented Drag Performers I have seen have been Trans girls, some who have fully transitioned and some who have not. One of the first shows I saw when I cam to Chi was the show at the Baton. Highly recommend.
XOXO
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Sheesh, I wouldn’t be able to answer any of those questions either, LOL!
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I think you would. You are the one educating us about these things every June.
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I would have finished 4th even with only three teams! The water question could have been Wilton Manors Pride this year as it poured rain all day.
I think Lurkie and I would fight over the same body type in men, but I don’t think he could deal with monosyllabic ‘dicks’ as well as I could. *Smooch*
You are a wonderful gay person, Lurkie.
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You are a dear. Were you the one who sent Jon those flowers? I know you are a kept man and that your finances are in the hands of your Smart One, but I have my suspicions.
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John who?
No, it is true. It’s his turn to pay the taxes and the bills while I shop and lunch with the Day Drinkers. *Smooch*
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Sorry you are part of the family. You try to run off but we pull your back.
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I don’t want my back pulled! That sounds painful!
Lots of family members get disowned. All it takes is one provocative Facebook post and people get the boot.
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Ah, but the boot is from Facebook. There are many “pulpits” from which we individually and as a group can shout gay dogma. And yes I said dogma. Because each and every one of us has an opinion about the incontrovertable truth of the Gay Timeline. And that is leading me into what probably will be the next post on my blog. The Gay/gay timeline vs. the Queer one. Are they really two oposing acts or are they really just words? I am sure I will “get the boot” from many corners once it is published.
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I am looking forward to it.
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This is the post that keeps on giving!
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You aren’t kidding. Personally I am glad for blogs that turn into salons, but I worry about scaring away new readers.
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