Holiday Disspirits

Well, another Dec 5 has come and gone, yet I am still here. I have not been beaten with bundles of sticks. I have not been thrown into a wicker basket and been taken down to my forever home. Krampusnacht has come and gone, and justice has not been served.

Now that Henry Kissinger is gone, I am not sure there are many more suitable candidates for the Krampus’s wrath. I have been naughty and misbehaving for decades, and this year I turned things up a notch. I was greedy and miserly and gluttonous. I was oblivious to other people’s pain. I left many cruel comments on people’s blogs under the guise of wit. I studiously avoided charity and kindness. I openly questioned people’s relationships with their One True Loves in Ohio. I flubbed basic knowledge of queerness so badly I had to resign my card in humiliation and shame. I slacked off at work. I yucked other people’s yums. I neglected my chores at home. I didn’t read enough books. Whenever the opportunity presented itself to make the world a better place I looked away and pretended I had not seen. I hurt people’s feelings. I used uncouth unladylike language regularly. I got along poorly with others and had a few screaming fits at people who did not deserve such. I was a bad friend and a bad neighbor. I was lazy and undisciplined. I let too many correspondences lapse from neglect. When in the company of others I dominated conversations and talked too much, and whined and moaned and complained. I always had advice to proffer and no grace to accept any that was given. I played Mariah Carey’s Christmas tune on endless repeat for hours and hours. I spent money on indulgent fripperies like money was going out of style, and refused to give money to those who would really benefit. I am generally regarded, if regarded at all, as the most unpleasant, stingy, sinful person in town. And yet, once again justice has not been served. I am beginning to wonder whether the Krampus is even real.