Sprung Again

Well, here we go again. I have written about the treachery of spring clothing before. Once again Lurkville is emerging from a long, dismal weather. Once again people are cavorting around in immodest dress, and once again I am struggling. A handsome mustachioed fellow walked by wearing shorts that ended above the knee, and my thoughts were derailed. You might think exposing a little leg is no big deal, but let us not forget the trouble the Israelites got into for worshipping a golden calf. God was real mad at them for that one.

Of course, things are a little different this year, because we are living in a pandemic, which makes these unclean thoughts even more unwelcome than usual. In the linked entry I blamed my impure thoughts on how other people dressed, but that is just blaming the victim. I bear sole responsiblity for my lustful thoughts. If others choose to wear shorts or leave the top button of their shirts undone or otherwise dress immodestly, it is my job to stop drooling and avert my eyes, and if that does not work then I would be well advised to take Jesus’s advice; blind people cannot commit adultery in their hearts.

I don’t understand why this is so difficult for me. We all know that this is a pandemic year, and unless you are in a social bubble with one or more willing partners, it is our duty to quell our libidos and chastely sit through seven hours of Zoom calls a day with gratitude in our hearts. Everybody else can manage this. I read your blogs, and see that you have all managed to keep your libidoes in check. You restrict reproductive thoughts for appropriate situations such as scrolling through Scruff profiles, reading Captain America/Winter Soldier fanfiction and serving cake to people in your social bubble. Otherwise you calmly reason with your bodies that this is not the time for libidinous thoughts, and your bodies comply. Mine very much does not. That might be understandable if I was fifteen years old and struggling with the hormonal waves of puberty, but I have no such excuses. Furthermore, I have not had sexual contact with another human being for twenty-one years now (not that I am counting). You would think my body would take the hint: if nobody wanted to sleep with me before, they certainly don’t want to sleep with me now.

I am not arguing that lay people should be held to exactly the same standard, but if the Catholic priesthood can be expected to live lives of chaste service, it surely is no big deal to expect the unmarried laity to embrace chastity during a global pandemic. And yet, not for me. Maybe I am a nymphomaniac?

I thought these thoughts were supposed to subside as I got older, but now I am older and they are still here. There is talk that Lurkistan is taking steps to ban conversion therapy. Overall, this is pretty good news; coercing people to change against their will is awful, and I fully endorse ending it. On the other hand, I am worried, because if I would like outside help in converting from a hypersexed menace to a well-adjusted asexual, I had better act soon.

24 thoughts on “Sprung Again

  1. Oh I don’t know about the restricting reproductive thoughts with me….it’s worst than ever, but I have been good with restricting the act of reproduction physically during the pandemic, no small feat for this ethical slut. Could a new day be dawning for me????

    And I got news for you. I think that thought of dirty thoughts, high libido and sex life is supposed to subside as I got older? I haven’t found that yet. I still have a high sex drive and I’m over 45.

    And a walker went by you showing leg? Why how dare he! If we ever meet, Ill be sure to dress up with no skin showing ,Ill button up. lol!

    I will wish you well till autumn arrives dear….we’re here for you! XOX

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    1. Oh don’t say that. I am not fond of autumn and less fond of winter. I do not think I can take winter again. I like spring and summer! The flowers and the sunshine are good for me. It is the temptation that is harmful.

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  2. The body wants what it wants. Even during my blinding gut pain in recent months, I had moments when sexual urges found their way into my brain, despite the rest of my body aching and pleading for death. Funny that.

    Despite the free and easy acces to naked men doing anything and everything you can imagine at my finger tips, nothing thrills me more than the incident glimpse of a patch of chest hair peeking from the top of a shirt, a bare forearm or thigh, or a shirtless jogger or roof worker spotted in passing.

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    1. Somehow our bodies can distiguish between people on screens and people in person. Who would have thought?

      Nudity is somehow less tempting than anticipation, which is why Jesus is so angry with me.

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      1. The Bible says you only have to cut off your right hand if it “stumbles” . . . so just smooth out and perfect your technique, Lurkie! See, there’s a loophole to everything. And yes, that Red Green is one sexy beast, isn’t he, LOL?

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        1. Easy to say “If you can’t be handsome, be handy” when you are both. Red Green is the image that comes to mind when Maddie talks about his lumbersexual.

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        2. As for your Biblical loophole: that is easy for you to say, but when you get to be my age you discover that the equipment is not as reliable as it once was. Stumbling is commonplace, if not inevitable.

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  3. Spring fever, Lurkster. It’s a real thing! At least it’s what gets my cobwebbed vaginal dust bats worked up 🙂 There, that image should cool things down for ya. You’re welcome.

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    1. I am sure some people are into dust bats. But even though I have not read your blog (why don’t you have a blog??) I am sure you keep these impulses under control during pandemics.

      Speaking of little pricks, are you due to get your Covid vaccinations soon? Were you saying that BH got his first dose?

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      1. Blog is a four letter word, like work or diet! I am more of a responder rather than an initiator. I can walk away and the hole I leave can be filled by somebody else. The way it should be.

        Bite your tongue about the impulses! BH is like an early bird catching the worm when I’m like this ! I do control it a little because I do enjoy being able to walk 😉

        Balder has had both of his doses. Didn’t feel any discomfort, pain or sickness. I’m on a list, but at the rate it’s going they will probably be doling the vax out at McDonalds by the time it’s my turn. Not to worry, I’m a natural hermit.

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        1. You are absolutely right about blog being a four-letter word. You are a wise woman for remaining a commenter. I wish I had made the same decision. As it stands, the primary reason I blog at all is so I can chit-chat with you and Kato in the comments.

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  4. Oh, but Lurkie, things have just started. Wait until you start seeing bare legs and big arms in short sleeves. And you know which is my favorite? When a guy lifts his arms and his treasure trail makes an an appearance.
    I think you will notice that sex drive really does not die. Well, it dies with us. Unless we’re completely asexual and aromantic (and very few people are completely ace, my dear) libido makes repeated showings throughout the day/week/month.
    I think you’ll have to give in to temptation. I’m with Oscar Wilde in this one. I can resist most everything but it.

    XOXO

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    1. You are but a sapling, so I am not sure you are an authority on whether these awful impulses subside. When you hit your thirties you might understand better.

      We must not give into temptation. Stay strong! Wear blinders if you must.

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      1. Hahahaha
        But Lurkie! A blinder AND a mask? At this rate I’m going to have to wear what, a Burka?
        And you know temptation is but a step away. Also, the lake is quite close by. You should drop by the gay beach in Edgewater. It helps taking a dip in the lake when things get hot.

        XOXO

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        1. Yes, in your case a burka might be advisable. I am told that you are very handsome and cause motor accidents when you walk down the street.

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  5. The brain is your best sex organ. So enjoy the sex/flesh until they take you off life support. BTW, I’m a virgin (so far today).

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    1. Then they take you off life support and you have to answer to St Peter. It is very important not to do anything enjoyable in this life lest you have to answer for it in the next.

      My condolences as to your virginal state. Hopefully you can get that looked at soon.

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    1. Let us hope you never have to. But you are handsome enough that I am sure you will continue to attract suitors for decades.

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    1. Presumably that would require a willing partner, and there are only 8 billion people on the planet. It would probably take an order of magnitude more for me to have a fighting chance.

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