Sluts vs Prudes

It has been a while since I regurgitated some point Dan Savage has been making for two decades, so here is another poorly-chewed bolus.

Most of us know about extroversion and introversion. It is the only trait from the beloved but rawther unscientific Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to survive to the less beloved but more scientific Big Five Personality Traits that govern every aspect of our success on this Earth.

Some people are extroverts and get energy from being around lots of people. Some people are introverts and find the company of lots of other people exhausting. Instead they recharge their batteries by staying home and reading comic books or sewing Spo-shirts or socializing with a few chosen companions.

Secretly we all know that extroverts tend to be more successful in life. They know how to schmooze and thus develop lots of helpful connections that propel their careers forward. They know how to flirt in bars and thus get girls. However, some introverts become computer programmers and/or tech billionaires, so we keep our secret thoughts to ourselves and proclaim that both extroverts and introverts are valuable in society have have important roles to play, lest the nerds exact their revenge upon us.

Of course, once in a while there is a global pandemic that forces us all into social isolation. Then the introverts have their real revenge. They read their comic books and sew their Spo-shirts while their extroverted associates gnaw their own legs off. So maybe there is some truth to the lie that both extroverts and introverts have valuable roles to play in society, because sometimes circumstances change and suddenly being an introvert instead of an extrovert (or vice versa) is a more successful survival strategy.

Here is a tiny, stupid hypothesis. Maybe people can be extroverted or introverted with respect to other things. Maybe some people are sexually extroverted, and recharge their batteries in the company of lots of other people. Maybe some people are sexually introverted (not to be confused with sexually inverted), and recharge their sexual batteries in the company of only a few people, or all by themselves.

Even though sexual extroversion seems like a pretty good survival strategy overall, we do not award sexual extroverts the same respect we do to social extroverts. Instead of saying that both sexual extroverts and sexual introverts have important roles to play in society, we denigrate sexual extroverts as sluts and laud sexual introverts as the basis of the nuclear family. Our expectation is that everybody will be happy as a sexual introvert — in fact, a rather extreme form of introversion called monogamy. Mind! We consider extreme sexual introversion (eg Shakers or Catholic priests or asexuals) as pathetic, but on the whole we approve of monogamist prudes and disapprove of sluts.

Our expectation is that everybody can be happy living as a prude. Yet, we do not insist that everybody can be happy living as a social introvert (at least, not unless there is a global pandemic). Even in these times of lockdown, we acknowledge that social extroverts are gnawing their legs off and acknowledge that this is sad. But we feel no such guilt about telling sexual extroverts to stop flirting or stop looking at porn or stop having extracurricular sex. Curious!

13 thoughts on “Sluts vs Prudes

  1. “There’s a fine line to having a good time, and being a oblivious, wanton slut. I know. My toe has been on that line.” Blanche Devereaux I tend to agree.

    I am very social, and I would say extrovert, and surprisingly haven’t been bothered or minded being alone or the absence of people. I have always been able to switch easily between extro and intro. I do enjoy my own time, and need my own time, even when I’m in a relationship. Even when long term dating I like to have my own place. I don’t even know I could go back to living with someone all the time again. So it works out good with the Lad living in VA, and Warbucks in Europe, even though we aren’t exclusive.

    But yes, rub it in Lurky…the sex part has got me wound a bit tight. I couldn’t tell you when I ever went this long with no sex of some sort. But toots, I ain’t gnawing my leg off and wouldn’t. How would I ever again attract a man for sex then, if I have one leg gnawed off?!?!?!?!

    Besides….I’ve been meaning to ask, what are your plans for say, oh next Tuesday afternoon-ish?!?! LOL!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. On Tuesday afternoonish I am slated to learn about how to store passwords online when they are used in scripts.

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  2. I agree that the pandemic has indeed flipped the coin for the social butterflies. Especially those that need the interactions with others to thrive. As for the sluts vs. the saints, it’s very Puritan. I find the Madonna/Whore dichotomy to be present in all Abrahamic religions. Sex is power and those who control sex have all the power.
    I think that sex is an indomitable force and that personality traits do tend to be set. But sex drive does not compare to personality traits, though. I have realized that some of the most sexually voracious -and fantastic- lovers I’ve had tend to be social introverts. I am an extrovert, but like Maddie, love my alone time and can go days without having to see anybody else. Maybe because I work with tons of people and they drain me sometimes.
    Now, the idea of sexual extroverts is intriguing. You may be on to something, Lurkie. Or maybe you’re trying to tell us something?

    XOXO

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    1. Yes, this is related to the madonna/whore complex, but I do not think it is identical.

      What I am trying to tell you is that I am a bad blogger who should keep his big fat mouth shut. This has not been one of my better entries. For one thing, “prude” is the wrong term, since monogamous people are capable of being wild in bed. “Saint” is probably better, but it still not quite right.

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    1. I am told that clickbaity titles are an excellent way to drive traffic and increase user engagement.

      Besides, it isn’t me who is being judgmental by labelling sexual extroverts sluts. It’s society, man. Society!

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  3. dividing folks into extroverts and introverts is a silly business and people are not one thing or another. At most is the question: ‘what do you do to recharge?” if you are one to stay home with yourself and a book then you are an introvert. Thems who reach out/go out are extroverts. Otherwise it’s silly

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    1. Well, somebody thinks it is an important distinction. Otherwise why would it be one of the Big Five personality traits?

      On the other hand, I agree. Sometimes I feel like reading a book and sometimes I feel like hitting the sex club, so I think I am just confused.

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