It has been a while since I regurgitated some point Dan Savage has been making for two decades, so here is another poorly-chewed bolus.
Most of us know about extroversion and introversion. It is the only trait from the beloved but rawther unscientific Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to survive to the less beloved but more scientific Big Five Personality Traits that govern every aspect of our success on this Earth.
Some people are extroverts and get energy from being around lots of people. Some people are introverts and find the company of lots of other people exhausting. Instead they recharge their batteries by staying home and reading comic books or sewing Spo-shirts or socializing with a few chosen companions.
Secretly we all know that extroverts tend to be more successful in life. They know how to schmooze and thus develop lots of helpful connections that propel their careers forward. They know how to flirt in bars and thus get girls. However, some introverts become computer programmers and/or tech billionaires, so we keep our secret thoughts to ourselves and proclaim that both extroverts and introverts are valuable in society have have important roles to play, lest the nerds exact their revenge upon us.
Of course, once in a while there is a global pandemic that forces us all into social isolation. Then the introverts have their real revenge. They read their comic books and sew their Spo-shirts while their extroverted associates gnaw their own legs off. So maybe there is some truth to the lie that both extroverts and introverts have valuable roles to play in society, because sometimes circumstances change and suddenly being an introvert instead of an extrovert (or vice versa) is a more successful survival strategy.
Here is a tiny, stupid hypothesis. Maybe people can be extroverted or introverted with respect to other things. Maybe some people are sexually extroverted, and recharge their batteries in the company of lots of other people. Maybe some people are sexually introverted (not to be confused with sexually inverted), and recharge their sexual batteries in the company of only a few people, or all by themselves.
Even though sexual extroversion seems like a pretty good survival strategy overall, we do not award sexual extroverts the same respect we do to social extroverts. Instead of saying that both sexual extroverts and sexual introverts have important roles to play in society, we denigrate sexual extroverts as sluts and laud sexual introverts as the basis of the nuclear family. Our expectation is that everybody will be happy as a sexual introvert — in fact, a rather extreme form of introversion called monogamy. Mind! We consider extreme sexual introversion (eg Shakers or Catholic priests or asexuals) as pathetic, but on the whole we approve of monogamist prudes and disapprove of sluts.
Our expectation is that everybody can be happy living as a prude. Yet, we do not insist that everybody can be happy living as a social introvert (at least, not unless there is a global pandemic). Even in these times of lockdown, we acknowledge that social extroverts are gnawing their legs off and acknowledge that this is sad. But we feel no such guilt about telling sexual extroverts to stop flirting or stop looking at porn or stop having extracurricular sex. Curious!