Food Blogging

What could this be?

Oh look. A juicy, fresh, locally-grown* heirloom tomato, picked ripe off the vine a few hours earlier at a hippie organic farm.

So tasty!

Let us all be grateful we have access to such tomatoes during the summer. Imagine how horrid it would be to live in a place where no such tomatoes were available? Where the best you could do is get tomatoes shipped to you from hundreds of miles away, picked green and ripened (or should I say “ripened”) with ethylene gas? How would one bear it?

*Astute Spo-fans will observe that the adjective “home-grown” is missing from this list. It appears that I will harvest zero tomatoes from the three seedlings I planted this year. Why do I even bother? Remember, folks: gardening is a valuable and in-demand skill, well worth mentioning on your Grindr profile.

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24 thoughts on “Food Blogging

  1. When does your growing season end? All may not be lost yet. Do you have a garden or in pots? Do you have an idea what is wrong?
    I am late this year, I just got my first two last week.

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    1. We usually get frost in October.

      The plants are in pots. They got water stressed which slowed them down (thanks for hogging all the rain). They produced a few flowers, but not many, and nothing is getting pollinated! The same thing is happening to my peppers.

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      1. Ok, you still have time, you only need to produce big green tomatoes before the frost because you can always pick them and let them ripen in the house if it’s late in the season.

        Tomatoes are heavy feeders and drinkers. Watch that the soil isn’t dry inside the pot. Sometimes when you water pots, it runs out and the center of the soil stays dry. I sometimes drop the entire pot into a larger pail of warm water, if you have some type of fertilizer I would mix a little in the water first.
        Bumblebees are your best pollinators, if you can’t attract any around, take a feather and start dusting the sex glands of the flowers, switch between the different plants, do it gently but do it a lot. Do this as a fun challenge and don’t think of it as work, it can be a fun hobby. I had a garden on my balcony seven stories up and I had the best peppers ever.

        Pots dry out quickly once the plants get bigger, I used to have to water almost every day by fall. Good luck Lurky, you have six weeks left so it can be done.

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        1. Steven, Lurkster seems lonely enough without you giving him tips on how to give a plant a feather job! Honestly, man! What’s wrong wit choo? “Do it gently, but do it a lot”? You perve! Nobody wants to hear about your “peppers” either!
          I HOPE I INCLUDED ENOUGH EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!

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          1. Deedles, poor Lurky isn’t getting any action so plant sex is better than no sex!! Hey, love is love is love remember!!! Stop the H8 Deedles, just stop the H8!!!!

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        2. Yes, I have been trying to pollinate with a Q-tip, but I will try to use a feather. I do not know where the bees and flies went this year — they used to hang out around our plants but not so much this year.

          The pots are fairly large but they do dry out quickly. That is how the tomatoes got water stressed — I did not keep my eye on them closely enough.

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    2. “I am late this year”

      better late than pregnant. and is the feather still on the chicken when you use it?

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      1. Usually “better late than pregnant” is the policy to follow, but when it comes to tomatoes: no pregnancy, no fruit.

        I doubt Steven uses a chicken feather. He is too much of a size queen for that. I imagine he goes for ostrich, or maybe a peacock tail feather.

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  2. I’m glad to see your blog has devolved into the same lighthearted and superficial celebration of minutiae as the rest of ours! Just a little tip, though — you need more exclamation points! They’ll never steer you wrong!

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    1. I shall endeavor to use more exclamation points!!! Also more CAPS FOR EXCITEMENT! All I need now is a Rare One who can take good pictures for me.

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  3. When I had a Grindr profile I totally forgot to add my green thumb to the list of things I could do. Darn. What a wasted opportunity.
    Now, to the meat and potatoes, given that we’re talking about food:
    Do YOU have a Grindr profile?
    Do you have a flower garden?
    Do you usually grow your own veggies?
    When are you going to get a google handle so you can comment in my blog?

    XOXO

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    1. You garden too? You and Steven should get together to swap tips. Alternatively you could reopen your Grindr account and update your profile.

      I don’t really garden. I volunteer at a couple of gardens, but I am no good at growing anything myself.

      I do not have a Grindr profile, a flower garden, or a Gmail account. I am unlikely to get a Gmail account because (a) I do not want it tracking me everywhere and (b) it is difficult to sign up for Google services without a phone.

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  4. Oh I would die for a proper home-grown tomato or something like it.
    I would be immediately interested in a Grindr profile offering home-grown vegetables.

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    1. There is no need to die for this. You could move someplace more amenable to home-grown tomatoes, such as PEI. Alternatively, you could grow some of your own tomatoes next February, or get a local Scruff-buddy to do so.

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    1. Welcome Lisa! I like tomato sandwiches too, although lately I have found that tomatoes, bread, and a bit of salt is enough for me.

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  5. I really enjoy(?) what your blog. I like how you think. I’ve been lurking in the background but I’m still around.
    Today I read a really interesting article – in my quest to better understand where my youngest son’s angst is coming from. Bizarrely this article made me think of you. Here’s the link. http://www.davidsongifted.org/Search-Database/entry/A10554
    I wonder if you will find it interesting.

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    1. Kato! You are a dear!

      Yes, that is a pretty interesting article. Although I feel deeply uncomfortable referring to myself a “gifted”, I did identify with some of the things that were written.

      What is your angst-ridden son idealistic about? What does he believe in? How has reality let him down?

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