Body Fluids are Gross

Maybe it is for the best that I have no love life, because I am awfully squeamish and people are gross. Bodily functions are gross. Bodily fluids are grosser, especially other people’s body fluids. But sex seems to involve a lot of fluid bonding, and many of us fetishize them.

  • Saliva is gross. Yes, this implies that I dislike kissing on the lips, which I found weird and unsettling and gross even when I was sexually active.

  • Sweat can be okay because it is salty, and as a fat American I crave salty. But stinky sweat is gross, and I do not like rubbing against slippery sweaty skin.

  • Pee may be sterile, but it is gross. I don’t know exactly what is involved with watersports, but if ingestion is involved then count me out. If you insist on peeing on me or vice versa, then cleanup had better be easy and quick.

  • Snot is gross, especially if you are battling a cold.

  • Phlegm and bile? Let’s not go there.

  • Semen is the big body fluid we all fetishize, because making a sex partner spew gross chunky fluid that smells of chlorine feels like an achievement. When sexually aroused even I fall for this fetish, but in objective terms semen is gross.

  • Oddly enough, vaginal secretions can be okay, even though I guess that is a kind of mucus. There are many things I regret about my previous relationships, but performing oral sex on ladies is not one of them.

  • Blood? From sucking on my finger after a papercut, I can guess that blood does not taste that bad, but I don’t particularly want to incorporate it into sex acts, particularly with hookups.

  • And then there is poop, which is usually not a fluid but is close enough to be gross. I have a great aversion to poop and want it nowhere near my mouth, thank you very much. Even touching other people’s poop is gross; if I had wanted that experience I would have had babies. Furthermore there is a good reason for poop to be gross — it is full of germs and potential disease. Ugh.

Poop makes anal sex seem like a real chore, and yet it never comes up in porn (scat notwithstanding).

I suppose all of this is just naive squeamishness, and that if I ever became sexually active again I would get over my inhibitions. But still. Ugh.

2 thoughts on “Body Fluids are Gross

  1. Oh dear…….I must agree with you on all this, as sexually active as I am. Kissing is fine as long as they are not slobbering like a baby looking to suckle its mother tit. I have oral sex and I do a nice clean job, but I hate when a guy is performing on me, and is salivating on my junk like Oprah Winfrey looking for a all you can eat buffet. And when I guy climaxes on my chest, I don’t mind. But lets get it cleaned up with sooner than later.

    And don’t get me started on the spitting thing. Or snow balling.

    Your post did though have me in stiches from laughter, while holding all true.

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